music-idiot designs. the fake sound of progress

.for what's it's worth

Friday, October 22, 2010

I guess i just needed someone to talk to cause with my best friends who are all in the army during the weekdays while I'm here on off for a long time,I feel so alone.I could call them but I just didn't want to bother them with my personal problems.How about other friends?I don't know.It's all about insecurity of you know,its friends whom you are most comfortable at to talk to at almost anything,just about everything,even about how you actually pee-ed in your pants a lil cause you were so nervous about your turn to face the counsellor

Of course,me being me,getting high and drunk and all,I'm just totally loving it but I guess things went after for what it should have not been.she know's that i was high i guess,from the tone of my voice,which is obviously oblivious,and the worst thing being,she knows that if i start to talk rubbish,that means i'm stating facts,and that's not a good thing,oh fucking trust me.the only i remembered were words that i do not want to mention and when she hang up on the phone on me,i literally went like wtf.seriously,wtf was i doing.but on the other hand,i sat in the cab thinking that way,i felt a burden off my shoulder.a great sense of relief.it's like maybe happier?what does this mean?was this the burden i've been shouldering thru my entire open relationship with her?

for all i know,i want her so badly,but just not the other half.oh yeah,i know,i must be a really big muthafucking asshole for getting down was all great,but getting to responsibility for the aftermath,not so much.i sometimes wonder what's wrong with me.i know it's been a hard ride for me since Iqah's death more than 2 years ago,and the fact that i can't even find stable relationship ever since,but i feel that i think its been too long already that i have yet to move on with life.its no doubt difficult dealing with losses cause the ones whom have passed on,the ones remaining are the one who suffers the most,to be remembered of all the golden memories spent together

but for all its worth,im gonna give it my all

kill me; 1:18 PM

.The Nations Call

Thursday, June 11, 2009

You wouldn't expect that the day for you to just stop whatever you have been doing at maybe a routinely manner everyday come to a halt, for a dreading 2 years, is staring right back in your face.
Well, having these kind of thoughts? Obviously put me in a unprepared manner.

But guess what? I'm kinda surprised that im muddafucking excited for that fucked up day to come, yes. Its the muddafucking national call for you to serve them like dog sialxzs.
Nevertheless, im just looking foward to completing it and already counting the number of days till i finish from my first 3 cibai months in Tekong.
Remember,if you thought your day is bad, there's worse =)

CHEERS MY FRIENDS. And see you peeps soon!

I'll walk you through the heartbreak

kill me; 12:40 PM

Joan of Arc

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Will we learn to get together and see who we really are?
Cause nothing gonna change if nobody's gonna wake up and start acting whose incharge
We'll never know what lies ahead tomorrow

kill me; 11:27 AM

.What?

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

It was a typical night outing with 2 of my peeps,Jace and Yan where we decided to get dinner at Astons, The Cathay
We ordered, and shortly after wards, Yan's food came first.As usual, Jace would steal the fries first as always. And that me and Yan ate the fries too.
Okay.This is not the whole damn point of me eating fries and yadadada and ranting in this post of mine of what i'm about to post.
The story goes...
The moment we ate the fries, DAMN. it was cold.like u know, just fried it fresh, then you put inside the damn freezer for no god damn reason.
So, me, being me. I called the waiter, or whatever they call it there la.
Me: Your fries is damn cold, can u like change it or something?
Waitress: *Stared at us ~ Looking in disbelief for i do not know why*
OH REALLY?
Us: *Looked at each other in like WTF?*
Silent moment
Waitress: Okay, don't eat that (although we ate half of it on purpose). I'll get you a new one
And she left.
WTF. OH REALLY? Is that the answer you should be giving to you customers. Singapore's service is just getting more ridiculous every day.
I was amazed at the torment that you put me trough

kill me; 1:29 AM

Scribbles of My Life

Saturday, May 02, 2009


Try as I might,words don’t come out. All these things inside,the pen refuses to write;
All my dreams of yesterday are just a touch away.
Wandering in the darkness of my mind,searching for a spark to give this life a reason to continue dreaming,here I am scribbling away the thoughts that refuse to come alive
Standing, watching over you

kill me; 6:26 AM

End of Nothing

Thursday, April 30, 2009


Some days i want to live
Some days i wish it’s over
Some days i long to see
Some days i wait to die;

Some days i think i am fine
Some days i believe i have a problem
Some days i am strong
Some days i am weak;

Some days i am closer to truth
Some days it seems far far away
Some days i think i understand
Some days i am just lost;

Some days i just wish everything would disappear
Some days i just hope you could be near;
Some days i have a feeling one day everything will be alright and that day is closer than ever
Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once

kill me; 4:33 AM

Moderations and Revelations

Saturday, April 11, 2009

You stop, you look around, and you wonder.
How your life evolved over the past years. And the different people you come across in all paths and backgrounds. And then you suddenly come back to realise, you are standing still, waiting for your name to be called out. A name to be called out to signify your achievement. An achievement on your day of graduation. And while waiting anxiously waiitng for your name to be called out, you just can't expect what's gonna happen next.

Am i gonna fall on the ground?
Am i gonna miss a step?
How does my robe look on me?
Is it worn properly?

Before your friend could answer you, your name's being called out. And yes. There i went. Walking across the stage to accept my graduation certificate. You shake your hand. You smile to the camera. Scurrying hurriedly across the stage. And that's it. And there it was. I'm holding the graduation certificate in my hand. It's in my hand. Proudest moment of my life. My parents life. OMG.

Well done everyone who graduated! DIEM 2009!

That's what I can't hide when she wanna conceal

kill me; 6:18 AM