the fake sound of progress

.for what's it's worth

Friday, October 22, 2010

I guess i just needed someone to talk to cause with my best friends who are all in the army during the weekdays while I'm here on off for a long time,I feel so alone.I could call them but I just didn't want to bother them with my personal problems.How about other friends?I don't know.It's all about insecurity of you know,its friends whom you are most comfortable at to talk to at almost anything,just about everything,even about how you actually pee-ed in your pants a lil cause you were so nervous about your turn to face the counsellor

Of course,me being me,getting high and drunk and all,I'm just totally loving it but I guess things went after for what it should have not been.she know's that i was high i guess,from the tone of my voice,which is obviously oblivious,and the worst thing being,she knows that if i start to talk rubbish,that means i'm stating facts,and that's not a good thing,oh fucking trust me.the only i remembered were words that i do not want to mention and when she hang up on the phone on me,i literally went like wtf.seriously,wtf was i doing.but on the other hand,i sat in the cab thinking that way,i felt a burden off my shoulder.a great sense of relief.it's like maybe happier?what does this mean?was this the burden i've been shouldering thru my entire open relationship with her?

for all i know,i want her so badly,but just not the other half.oh yeah,i know,i must be a really big muthafucking asshole for getting down was all great,but getting to responsibility for the aftermath,not so much.i sometimes wonder what's wrong with me.i know it's been a hard ride for me since Iqah's death more than 2 years ago,and the fact that i can't even find stable relationship ever since,but i feel that i think its been too long already that i have yet to move on with life.its no doubt difficult dealing with losses cause the ones whom have passed on,the ones remaining are the one who suffers the most,to be remembered of all the golden memories spent together

but for all its worth,im gonna give it my all

kill me; 1:18 PM

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