the fake sound of progress

.for what's it's worth

2010-10-22T13:18:00.004+08:00

I guess i just needed someone to talk to cause with my best friends who are all in the army during the weekdays while I'm here on off for a long time,I feel so alone.I could call them but I just didn't want to bother them with my personal problems.How about other friends?I don't know.It's all about insecurity of you know,its friends whom you are most comfortable at to talk to at almost anything,just about everything,even about how you actually pee-ed in your pants a lil cause you were so nervous about your turn to face the counsellor

Of course,me being me,getting high and drunk and all,I'm just totally loving it but I guess things went after for what it should have not been.she know's that i was high i guess,from the tone of my voice,which is obviously oblivious,and the worst thing being,she knows that if i start to talk rubbish,that means i'm stating facts,and that's not a good thing,oh fucking trust me.the only i remembered were words that i do not want to mention and when she hang up on the phone on me,i literally went like wtf.seriously,wtf was i doing.but on the other hand,i sat in the cab thinking that way,i felt a burden off my shoulder.a great sense of relief.it's like maybe happier?what does this mean?was this the burden i've been shouldering thru my entire open relationship with her?

for all i know,i want her so badly,but just not the other half.oh yeah,i know,i must be a really big muthafucking asshole for getting down was all great,but getting to responsibility for the aftermath,not so much.i sometimes wonder what's wrong with me.i know it's been a hard ride for me since Iqah's death more than 2 years ago,and the fact that i can't even find stable relationship ever since,but i feel that i think its been too long already that i have yet to move on with life.its no doubt difficult dealing with losses cause the ones whom have passed on,the ones remaining are the one who suffers the most,to be remembered of all the golden memories spent together

but for all its worth,im gonna give it my all

.The Nations Call

2009-06-11T12:40:00.003+08:00

You wouldn't expect that the day for you to just stop whatever you have been doing at maybe a routinely manner everyday come to a halt, for a dreading 2 years, is staring right back in your face.

Well, having these kind of thoughts? Obviously put me in a unprepared manner.

But guess what? I'm kinda surprised that im muddafucking excited for that fucked up day to come, yes. Its the muddafucking national call for you to serve them like dog sialxzs.

Nevertheless, im just looking foward to completing it and already counting the number of days till i finish from my first 3 cibai months in Tekong.

Remember,if you thought your day is bad, there's worse =)

CHEERS MY FRIENDS. And see you peeps soon!

I'll walk you through the heartbreak

Joan of Arc

2009-05-19T11:27:00.001+08:00

Will we learn to get together and see who we really are?

Cause nothing gonna change if nobody's gonna wake up and start acting whose incharge

We'll never know what lies ahead tomorrow

.What?

2009-05-06T01:29:00.002+08:00

It was a typical night outing with 2 of my peeps,Jace and Yan where we decided to get dinner at Astons, The Cathay

We ordered, and shortly after wards, Yan's food came first.As usual, Jace would steal the fries first as always. And that me and Yan ate the fries too.

Okay.This is not the whole damn point of me eating fries and yadadada and ranting in this post of mine of what i'm about to post.

The story goes...

The moment we ate the fries, DAMN. it was cold.like u know, just fried it fresh, then you put inside the damn freezer for no god damn reason.

So, me, being me. I called the waiter, or whatever they call it there la.

Me: Your fries is damn cold, can u like change it or something?

Waitress: *Stared at us ~ Looking in disbelief for i do not know why*

OH REALLY?

Us: *Looked at each other in like WTF?*

Silent moment

Waitress: Okay, don't eat that (although we ate half of it on purpose). I'll get you a new one

And she left.

WTF. OH REALLY? Is that the answer you should be giving to you customers. Singapore's service is just getting more ridiculous every day.

I was amazed at the torment that you put me trough

Scribbles of My Life

2009-05-02T06:26:00.000+08:00

Try as I might,words don’t come out. All these things inside,the pen refuses to write;
All my dreams of yesterday are just a touch away.

Wandering in the darkness of my mind,searching for a spark to give this life a reason to continue dreaming,here I am scribbling away the thoughts that refuse to come alive

Standing, watching over you

End of Nothing

2009-04-30T04:33:00.002+08:00

Some days i want to live

Some days i wish it’s over

Some days i long to see

Some days i wait to die;

Some days i think i am fine

Some days i believe i have a problem

Some days i am strong

Some days i am weak;

Some days i am closer to truth

Some days it seems far far away

Some days i think i understand

Some days i am just lost;

Some days i just wish everything would disappear

Some days i just hope you could be near;
Some days i have a feeling one day everything will be alright and that day is closer than ever

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once

Moderations and Revelations

2009-04-11T06:18:00.001+08:00

You stop, you look around, and you wonder.

How your life evolved over the past years. And the different people you come across in all paths and backgrounds. And then you suddenly come back to realise, you are standing still, waiting for your name to be called out. A name to be called out to signify your achievement. An achievement on your day of graduation. And while waiting anxiously waiitng for your name to be called out, you just can't expect what's gonna happen next.

Am i gonna fall on the ground?

Am i gonna miss a step?

How does my robe look on me?

Is it worn properly?

Before your friend could answer you, your name's being called out. And yes. There i went. Walking across the stage to accept my graduation certificate. You shake your hand. You smile to the camera. Scurrying hurriedly across the stage. And that's it. And there it was. I'm holding the graduation certificate in my hand. It's in my hand. Proudest moment of my life. My parents life. OMG.

Well done everyone who graduated! DIEM 2009!

That's what I can't hide when she wanna conceal

For all that is left of me

2009-03-07T14:49:00.003+08:00

When you are stuck in a thunderstorm with a complete stranger,a converation sparks while waiting for the rain to stop

When you thought you had the situation in hand, unforeseen interventions comes acoss your path to ruin it

When you thought you had said your last goodbyes, she breathes back to life

When you watched the sun sets, you keep thinking how you can become a better person

When you got yourself a tattoo out of spite, only to regret it the next morning

When you are sharing an intimate moment with your companion, asking yourself how did you end up with her

When you watch a movie with your best friend, you hoped that this friendship will be remembered till whenever you can

When you have gone away for too long, is it just work or avoidance

When you are stuck between two things, you just can't come to a conclusion what's best for you

When truths are revealed, you just want to shut everyone off and walk away

When you quarrel with your close ones, you just want them to make them listen to what you have to say

When your heart aches so much, you just wanna pour your heart out and just need that special someone to be with you

When you finally found the courage to take a risk, you can't help it but just think of the negative consequences

When you found out that your companion is cheating on you, the first thing uttered from your mouth is 'Lets Breakup"

When you want to let go of something that you love, it's just so hard cause it has always been part of your daily routine

When you walk away from the person you love so much, you hate yourself so much cause you blamed her for all that has happened

When you thought you could try to forget all the agony by going to enjoy at clubs, where only temperory measure of 'healing' takes place

When you have done so many unproud actions , you just wanna make yourself scarce and rather be forgotten by everyone

When someone believed in your capability so much, but starts to crumble to pieces when failure occurs

When you feel so alone, you wonder where you have gone wrong

When you know that person for so long, you can just anticipate what they are going to do next

When you know that you have created a huge problem, you are willing to go down on your knees and beg her for forgiveness

When you are willing to give up everything for her, you just know that she's all you got

This is me.

.Hit The Heartbreakers

2009-02-01T04:59:00.000+08:00

Now i know where i stand.

New beginnings, new unforeseen endings, new surprises, new life.

I put what I want, when I want, in my body.

.Remember The Name

2008-12-27T02:50:00.000+08:00

Granny, the days of celebration with the rest of the family will never be the same without you. I'm gonna miss you.

And when my days are brightening up, this wasn't needed

.At The Very Least I'm Trying To Change

2008-12-13T15:53:00.008+08:00

Life still goes on you know. =)

Clarke Quay/Boat Quay

Aspirations of a bus driver.

OOoo. Flying magic cone.

OOoo. Another flying magic cone

Mass orgy raid

'Eh Boy. Lu ada hal sama gua pe?' HAHA

We should always interact and listen to our forefather ya know

Going back to Ipoh. Bye Diddy

E25R Arts Management @ Esplanade

You know the one thing you're fighting to hold will be the one thing you've got to let go

.Where My Consequences Meets

2008-12-08T04:10:00.000+08:00

I can't say much. I'm just who i am. Face it. Turning back has never been an option for me where i know life has still to carry on. I can't deny for who i am and what i am as of today. A trash to the society. That's what i would call myself now. Wait. That's what my friends would call me now.I know where i stand. Just look at my surroundings in my hometown and everything is just so oblivious right before my eyes. I can't be pretending someone else can come and save me from myself.

What am I leaving when I'm done here?

.Random Days

2008-12-04T03:48:00.001+08:00

It's one of the days randomnly, you just feel that everything you try to do is not going in the right direction

You feel it is right to help someone, but is wrong at the same time not helping the other

You feel right when helping someone to keep a secret, but you feel it is wrong to keep it from the other

I just feel totally dumbfounded and stupid for all these acts after looking back. I'm just not seeing what i'm trying to achieve.

Demoralised may be the word that would really describe me right now cause there are certain things i shouldn't have done to get myself in this shit and insanity mindset of thinking of mine right now.

I just feel like, waking up one fine morning, and tell myself,

'Damn, this must be a joke"

And certainly,i believe that i'm the joke

2008-12-01T00:19:00.001+08:00

Final Year Project at Super Import Nights 2008

The world goes on, without you here

2008-11-29T17:20:00.001+08:00

Arab Street with E26A

St James Power House

I'm missing you so badly right now

.Don't Resent Me

2008-11-27T23:35:00.002+08:00

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done

and just help me leave behind some reasons to be missed

That's all i'm asking for

I can't be who you are

.What A Month

2008-11-22T14:40:00.021+08:00

So many outings, and only recently i found the time to do some editing to the thousands of photos that has been taken and taken the best few i guess. Haha. Well. Won't say much. =)
Lau Pa Sat/Boat Quay

You can't find the best satay elsewhere but here in Lau Pa Sat. Oh man, trust me.

Sembawang Park

Apparently, he was drunk and is in his own world with his drawings. Lol

Boat Quay

Takashimaya with fellow DIEM-ers (CCC)

Razan got hair actually! Cool siolxzs

Eh Cik Kak, besarnye lobang hidung kamu ya? Hehe

Suntec City Sky Garden

He wants to stab me at that moment, i swear. Ass

Hello there Mr Big Foot.

I now pronounce you, husband and wife. Chek Ahhh

Obscene scene.

Esplanade/War Memorial Park

This is a cockroach that Farz sepak-ed on. Cool or what!

Clarke Quay

Tecktonik!

Damn u thief!

Ikan

No comment. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

St James Power House is our new playground. =D

Its just those days when random thoughts makes my day

.I Just Wanna

2008-11-15T13:05:00.004+08:00

First of all, i would like to self declare that this month is the worst month of 2008. Problems have piling up on me every single day ever since the beginning of November.

Not enough that i am upset with the first day of November, what was seen in my presence,

People i feel are getting mad/agitated at me for my doings,

Can't concentrate in class,

An unmemorable and disappointing birthday.Not much gifts,

Stranded in the thunderstorm without any freaking shelter for 30 minutes with no jacket, but just a thin layer of clothing covering me, which is my clothes,

My good friend met an accident, which is still lying unconsicious in the hospital,

Fearing for my future,

Fearing for my friends future,

Fearing for my safety,

Fearing for my friends security,

Fearing of what is going to happen next,

Fearing of how much time left for me to be able to pull through till my grauation day,

Sometimes, i just wonder, no matter how much things you do for people, at most of the times, out of kindness for me is being taken for granted. I'm just annoyed with people in my surroundings. I don't even know they are putting up a show just to say 'Thank-You" cause i'm right in front of you, or just that they really mean it. I don't feel appreciated. That's how i'm feeling right now.

Everyone keep on saying, of course i appreciate you for what you have done for me. FUCK! Don't keep on telling me that. I'm tired of people saying all these without actions. Show me your appreciation! Cause as far as i'm concern, let's just face it. Fuck! I'm just being taken for a ride and be your back pillion rider.

But hey, then again, who gives a fuck about what i think?

Cause on this empty street,i shall just continue walking alone till i'm banished from this face of the earth

.Your Drug is A Heartbreaker

2008-11-13T16:12:00.003+08:00

I can't confront you
I never could do
That which might hurt you

I've spent every moment since the day you left me, attempting to regain the shattered remains of my pathetic life. The need to be working to be someone you can be proud of,someone you can love again

I have given you everything that I have to give. Everything I'm able to give,taking into consideration your reluctance to accept anything I have to offer

I swallow the hate, betrayed and lies
How much more will it take?
How much more until it breaks me?

I know exactly what you're thinking ,but I swear this time I will not let you down
I'm not as selfish as I used to be. That was a part of me that never made me proud
Right now I think I would try anything.Anything at all to keep you satisfied
God I hope you see what losing you would do to me
All I want is one more chance.

What do I have to do to make you want me?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What do I have to do to make you love me?
But, if I can't make you love me ,just tell me what do I have to do to forget about you.

In this perpetual nightmare,I decide it ends right here

.It Started Out With

2008-11-09T20:59:00.008+08:00

It started with a coincidental meet

It continued with endless calls

It began with casual talks

It continued with good memories of the past

It continued with an I MISS YOU

It ended up with I STILL LOVE YOU

WHAT THE FUCK

To think i was back to square one for you at that very moment.

I beg of you. Begging you my very knees.Please. Stop doing this to me. Don't fucking mess around with my mind.

You have officialy ruined my mood on the eve of my damn birthday.

Thank you, and congratulations, I could never be more earnest and truthful when I say, "Fuck you, please get the hell out of my life".

I have nothing else to say. The worst birthday eve of my life.

.All I Wanted

2008-11-08T15:40:00.002+08:00

I waited up all night

But I never saw the light

When I lose myself I'll think of you

.Have You?

2008-11-05T14:21:00.004+08:00

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart, if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid

Afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)

What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?*

HAVE YOU?

I'm trying my best, but please give me time baby. I promise.

.Oh Fuck

2008-11-03T19:45:00.004+08:00

OH FUCK

Saturday

I saw her in the damn bus of all days. She's with another person. She held my hand. I felt fucked up. And now, she's been contacting me but i don't wanna talk to her.

The other she is angry and dissapointed with me.

Sunday

My best friend is shunning me

She's still angry with me

I'm getting agitated and pissed at slightest things for the past few days without reasons

Monday (Today)

Didn't had time to study for a 'non-referance 6P UT'. Was late for UT. Couldn't complete UT. Didn't knew how to do UT.

Yet to be convinced she is not angry with me although she says she's fine

And now i feel weak. I'm running a damn temperature. I can hardly breathe. My heads spinning like a damn spiral. I'm breaking cold sweat.I feel like vommiting. Someones as if tearing my stomach open.

Oh dear god, just where the fuck did i go wrong now?!

.Fucked Up

2008-11-02T13:52:00.003+08:00

MEMANG MACAM PLAPUKI AH.

BUTOH MACAM SIAL

JUST TOTALLY FUCKED UP!

Will those feets in modern times, take me to a whole new level of life?

.Doraemonxzs

2008-11-01T16:03:00.002+08:00

Alamak.Legal already ah.HAHA

Happy Birthday Eugene!

Once a doraemon, always a doraemon.

.My Bad

2008-10-31T16:08:00.003+08:00

You know, if only i could turn back time and change the whole thing around to make it for the better, i would.

I guess I'm disappointed with the people around me who has come and go, and left without saying their last goodbyes, or plainly just left without a word.

Sometimes, people who i appreciate most or i thought i could rely on, who has left me, actually made me an aimless person in a pro long run i feel.

Because mainly when you thought you had them, you could find meaning in life, okay, in a sense, your source of motivation to strive towards your goal. Parents, friends and your companions are 3 separate issues to begin with. Not everything you could share your joy or sorrows with these 3 parties at the same time, with the same news.

But once they are gone, you feel totally helpless. Like, where do i begin now?

And if this happens over and over again, you feel so hurt and you can't seem to direct yourself to the right path of life.

So, when people say, "I really love you" or " Don't worry, I'll always be there for you"

Do they say these just to please the other party to give that sense of assurance and trust that "I'm your friend but i will put myself first before you" or is just plain sincerity from the bottom of their hearts. Words are cheap, but actions are the way to show it all.

Saying all these cliched lines such as "I really love you" should not be used when used in seek of just filling up the emptiness in yourself, or like having a girlfriend/boyfriend for the sake of having because of that "I'm attached" status, because the is ultimately your happiness. Your happiness affects the people around you.

We can say a million things, but carrying out these actions because you believe you can achieve i guess wouldn't make life so cliched as it already is. But then again, if life is that cliched, what's more to life?

Oh damn, life is full of cliched acts.

.Not This Time

2008-10-29T21:25:00.003+08:00

Can't win your losing fight all the time when you're always taking sides

How did we get here?

I use to know you so well

The truth is hiding in your eyes and its hanging on your tongue.

And you think that I can't see?

Just tell me if you really mean it cause i'm feeling all exasperated thinking about it.

For goodness sake. Open your damn eyes wide and take a look around you.

Do you see what we've done?

Not this time i will lose out to you

.Optimistic

2008-10-27T17:46:00.006+08:00

You can't quit until you try

You can't live until you die

You can't learn to tell the truth

Until you learn to lie

Just because you've experienced pain or disappointment in the past does not guarantee that it's all you'll experience in the future. There are many things in your past that you couldn't control, and everybody comes across unfortunate circumstances at some point in their lives - we ourselves as an individual are not an exception! But there are also many things in life we can control to one degree or another, and therein lies the possibility of change. A day or week that starts badly will not necessarily end badly. Do not make a bad start turn into a self fulfilling prophecy for a bad ending.

And when it comes to that, i guess what we overlook is not being grateful enough with whatever we have around us. Everyone has something to be grateful for.I guess the key to being an optimist is recognizing the benefits and possibilities of any situation, and understanding that it could always be worse. If all else fails, think of how life could be worse, and flip the thought process to recognize what you do have. Like, "I'm flunking out of school" can turn into "Well, at least I have a chance to go to school, and I still have time to turn my grades around."

Not everyone is lucky and the attitude in you only change if you are just willing to give it a try.

Accept pain, failure and disappointment as a part of life, not the entirety of it.

.FashionBar/ArabSt/Esplanade

2008-10-22T20:06:00.009+08:00

Many outings, few uploads of photos. Shall not say much.

FashionBar @ Clarke Quay 181008

Non stop fidgeting from hair to whatever he can do with his hands

'Assalamualaikum Bang!'

I told you he won't stop fidgeting, now with tissue. Heh

Arab Street 171008

Got damn pochong siolxzs behind him

I love shinobi =)
Muke steam sak.

Esplanade 151008

Bangla on the loose!

Nigga lips.Sheesh

Everyone got their own thing to do. Such randomnity

Diddy: ' Aku bilang kao. Jangan panggil aku doraemon lagi'

HAHAHAHA

How did we get here?

.Battle Has Just Begun

2008-10-22T11:38:00.005+08:00

If you strongly believe in what you believe in, don't just fucking sit there once you fall.

You fucking pick yourself up and try again. Losing is not an option because where passion or interest matters, nothing come in between them.

I'm wandering around confused,wondering why I try and the more that you deny my pain,the more it intensifies

Everything I've hoped to be or ever thought I was,died with your belief in me so who the hell am I?

So now, I'm not gonna wonder how I'm supposed to feel without you cause I'm moving on

I already lost once, and i know I ain't gonna give up because i ain't a quitter and that's how life works

Now, this is where i fucking stand, I'm gonna give it another try

.Burn The Lies

2008-10-19T21:35:00.002+08:00

I can't do this anymore. I don't have the strength to carry on. Who am i to lie to myself?

I'm already lost without you

You left me broken-hearted

.All Up

2008-10-19T15:51:00.004+08:00

Superficial understandings, misconceptions of life, questionable moves

Am i ready for this?

Never thought that i would turn out this way

.Till When?

2008-10-16T23:34:00.003+08:00

Pissed and fucked up with one, benevolence
and desperation on the other.

I'm torn apart into 2 sides, but to which?

People who are indecisive and drags on the situation are people whom i dread most.

Its Time

2008-10-14T16:32:00.001+08:00

Bearing the responsibility, accepting the fact, living with the mistake, moving on with life

There was me and you, then, there was just me

.The First and Probably The Last

2008-10-13T19:39:00.017+08:00

So, the day actually finally came. Yes. It was my first outing out with my polymates throughout my 3 years. Back to back, my normal outside and secondary school friends would be my companions for these outings. But since, we as event planners, we planned actually managed to execute out our outing. It was practically 3/4 (which was 13 or 14 only i think) of the whole malay DIEM cohort whom actually went for the house visitings, which started at 10am, and ended 12 hours later (you do the math). Exhilirating i must say, not only we somehow like went drifting around Singapore with the rented cars, but we also managed to get ourselves lost here and there (HAHA), shouting across from one car to another and so loads more.

WATI! Send you back to Palembang ah if u don't stop posing!

Alamak. Cute nak mampos sak

KPAK BING BING. CEHHHH

Preparing to go HAJ siolxz

I am looking so cool as ever la. HAHAHA. Joking only la fuck

'APE?! Kao nak aku pakai jilbab?'

'Meh Meh. Biar kakak gigit kepala kao'

Upper Thomson Road 11102008

I present you 'MR IPOH'

And here's his competitor, 'MR PORT KLANG!'

Searching high and low for his port, but to no avail

Aku macam nak sepak korang dua ah. HAHA

Love is Noise

.This Is It.

2008-10-12T20:02:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, i guess we have to run with what we've got, and just chase with what you need

Is This It?

.Whatever

2008-10-09T15:01:00.004+08:00

You know, there are times when your friends are feeling down, and you yourself sometimes feel rather uneasy and upset to see your friend, especially your close ones, see in their current state.

But i think there's a fucking limit to know when being appreciative than rather riding and taking the opportunity to fucking use you are 2 separate issues to fucking begin with.

So bloody fuck, don't come to me if any problems are coming onto you cause you what? I don't give a fuck. I've seen you through too much. I rather see you fall in your damn misery.

Self-inflicted

.Just Cambodia Calling Crew Feat Naz

2008-10-07T22:03:00.005+08:00

Although fasting month is over, i guess it was filled with just plain excitement.Not forgetting breaking my fast, yeah, breaking fast (i don't know how many days i actually fasted anyways) with my fellow RP-ians, who else but CCC (if you're wondering who they are,they are my fellow DIEM-mates). From Eu Ton Seng to Ju's House, not a day shall i forget these days.

Iftar at Ju's House

Oh si Nangka. HEH

Eu Ton Seng/Arab Street

'WHO STOLE MY PANTY!' Heh

I was feeling the feeling ah

Diyanah: 'I think everyone hates me' HAHA

Just blowing hot and cold

.Selamat Hari Raya

2008-10-06T13:55:00.004+08:00

Just wanna wish all Muslims Selamat Hari Raya!
Hari Raya-ing with my cousins are just one of the only things that keeps me in one peace.

He just won't stop crying i swear

Just the grandchildrens =)

My family

Step sachok je. HAHA.

AWWW.
That 58 years of marriage.

Living life the way it is

.About Time

2008-10-05T21:59:00.011+08:00

Been out alot lately, also with the recent Hari Raya preperations and celebrations itself, balancing both between friends and families of course, but i think more to friends la. Let the pictures say it all.

Lau Pa Sat-ing for supper

Somebody freaking tied my hair to be some shinobi ninja -.-

'And this is how you put up the tripod stand my friend'

Spasticity

You've got freaking B.O dammit

And whose the extra one ah?!

At some random void deck at Haig Road

Seriously, this wasn't what the shot i was expecting from them

Esplanade/Singapore Flyer

Lets be contained in the yellow corner

Only 10 minutes later I realised there was a bottle in my jeans that point of time. =.=

Arab Street

Lets burn in hell

Such candidity

Tyranny written all over his face

But after giving his jab, he was back to tender loving care. AWWW

Farz took these 3 pics. Great shots i would say

White loafers on the loose. Woo

Nassim Road/Boat Quay

I walk a lonely road...Pfft.Ripoff

Longing to be that rock star who can't make it
Okay. This one i don't know. A ballerina who can't make it?

Unbearable misery,regrettable actions

.Phuture Senses

2008-09-25T14:46:00.004+08:00

For the first and last time, i guess, would be the last time i enter Zouk/Phuture on a Saturday night I THINK.

Why?

Well.Somethings are just better left unsaid.

Defining your purpose of intentions

.What Hurts The Most?

2008-09-19T12:44:00.002+08:00

Each time you walk past me when i meet you,i have the urgency to tell how much i love you.That shine in your eyes.Glittering enlightenment of visionary.The smile.So sweet.As sweet as a freshly riped apple.That face.The face of a true goddess.

Self obssession you might say. But the fact that we have been there and done that just makes me kept wanting our story to continue unfold.I don't look foward to the future.But taking it on a day to day basis,we can hold on to the every motion we make.

I still love you.I really do.But i guess i can't be with you.I'm sorry is all i can do.

What hurts the most? You can't be with the person you really love.

Pretty lush

.Playground

2008-09-17T20:42:00.005+08:00

I'm loving it. My Canon 1000D.Pictures paints a thousand words, and the improving skills. HAHA

I feel damn gay in this photo for a moment.

Shit. Somebody exposed my beloved boxers.

Milk anyone? Well.Literally that is.

Trying to put your sex game back on course

.Arab Street

2008-09-10T17:05:00.005+08:00

Finally, i brought my baby out to school and places for some exciting sessions!

Wait wait. Not a child, but my beloved Canon 1000D. Wohoo. So, it was a session with my close peeps from secndary school. Asrol, Erfy, Zubaidah and Raiza!

Drove around picking up people from Sembawang to YCK to Orchard and of course, exciting shots from all 5 of us newly found aspiring photographers. HAHA. To cut short, enjoy the pics!

Alamak.Loving siol
Retard.HAHAHA.
Kampong Days

Home sweet home.

Missing life of who i really am

.Martyr

2008-09-05T13:02:00.002+08:00

There are so many things that i would like to share about, but there is just too much to say, too little time to begin with.

I have been reminiscing alot for the past few days, be it from secondary school days to the early days of my poly education.

Missed during the times when my peeps and me would sneek out of class to smoke.
Missed during the times when we would give lame excuses just to skip supplementary classes
Missed during the times when we had our class field trips and would surely end up getting scolded for doing *ehem* shouldn't explain to prevent horrification to you readers

No one knows me best than my secondary school mates.

But realising that i have changed so much that, i'm a sinner, no longer a saint.

The Drowners

.Wishes

2008-08-21T20:10:00.001+08:00

I wish i hadn't known you as im beginning to fall for you. Every sweet smile and visit makes my world go round.

Endless pains, wishful thinkings

.HAHA

2008-08-08T09:22:00.004+08:00

Toilets on the other side of the 'bridge'

Breakfast anyone?

Police hard at work

United by fate

.The Mummy Returns!

2008-08-02T15:24:00.005+08:00

There is nothing else better then ending your day after school by spending time with some of your close peeps man!

Headed down to town first to catch up with some peeps before heading to Arab street for some shee-sha.Its been a while man since i last had shee-sha. Anyways, the weather was so fucking sunny la fuck with me carrying my laptop along which even adds to my unneeded burden!I was literally dreading myself walking around town. But i guess i was lucky cause my friend was driving on that day! Wohoo.

But time was cut short as i headed off to Suntec City to meet some other peeps (i'm like so popular ah.so many friends to meet in one day.HAHAHA...joking only la fuck.cannot take joke ah?!). Was somehow left with no options but to go to Suntec to meet them cause they got me the Singapore Garden Festival tickets. Below are some pics. I wasn't really amused by 'these things' but i knew that i had the urge to burn these fake plants in the exhibition hall. HAHA.

Boring @ Singapore Garden Festival. Dinner at Fish & Co to celebrate Mel's birthday. The damn witch finally turned 21.Heh.

Head down to Cine (yet again) to catch another midnight movie, The Mummy 3. Managed to find seats, which was fucking amazing since this show just opened on Thursday i think.

What is The Mummy 3: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor about? Here's a sypnosis.

'Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) is joined in this all-new adventure by son Alex (newcomer Luke Ford), wife Evelyn (Maria Bello) and her brother, Jonathan (John Hannah) to combat the resurrected Qin Emperor (Jet Li) in an epic that races from the catacombs of ancient China high into the frigid Himalayas. This time, the O'Connells must stop a mummy awoken from a 2,000-year-old curse that threatens to plunge the world into his merciless, unending service.'

Well. What can i say about this movie? Not bad la. But i think they lost the 'adrenaline rush' of the movie as compared to the 1st and 2nd sequel of The Mummy, which i had prefered much more than the 3rd sequel. The movie had injected some light humour to the movie though. There was lke a freaking random cow in the plane while they were on their way to the Himalayas, which really got everyone(the audience) into a big burst of laughter, and i mean seriously. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Overall, i would give, 3 out of 5 stars for the movie (definitely MUCH more better than Prom Night(SHIT))

Oh ya, if you have the time, log on to my friends band link, http://www.myspace.com/enxband. I think they are seriously not bad. Great on the vocals, and very much in the current trendy scene of music.

The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

.Something To Make You Smile

2008-07-31T11:02:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHA

Motion in sounds

.Blast from the past

2008-07-30T16:05:00.003+08:00

Out and about with my close peeps from secondary school to town yesterday and hell was it alot fun.

We took the time to reminisce during our secondary school days that damn. we fucking hell missed it alot. From throwing chairs to throwing books up to the fan, to making fun of our teachers by video-ing them and posted it on youtube to creating our own videos out of boredom to get some good laughter.

It all seemed as if it happened yesterday when we chatted through time. But when we looked back, we were all 16-17 years old and now, so not looking foward to 20 (for my case that is since i'm born in November -.- )

Everyone is now busy with school, national service or work. I'm just glad to know that everyone is finding success in the things that they are doing

Lost in between the sounds

.Prom Night?

2008-07-27T14:18:00.005+08:00

It is another typical Sunday, and yes. I am home finally. Caught up with some of my peeps at National Museum yesterday night and be amused by the various special effects of lighting that happened to facade of the buildings. Its quite spectacular i must say. I swear to god, one of them looked as if it had been photoshoped with the lighting effects. That's how cool it was!

Then, went down to Cine to catch another midnight movie. Well, this beats and i certainly have saved so much more money if i were to club instead. although i know the clubs keeps on haunting me every single weekend.....fuck. I MUST LEARN TO SAVE MONEY NOW

Oh ya. The movie i caught was called Prom Night. What is it about?

'Donna's senior prom is supposed to be the best night of her life, one of magic, beauty, and love. Surrounded by her best friends, she should be safe from the horrors of her past. However, when the night turns from magic to murder there is only one man who could be responsible... the man she thought was gone forever. Now, Donna and her friends must escape the sadistic killer, and survive their Prom Night.'

Personally i feel?

A WASTE OF MONEY FOR A WEEKENDER MOVIE LA FUCK! WASTED $10.50 ON THIS SHIT.

Shouldn't have watched the movie. Partly also because me and my friends didn't wanted to go home too late just now and apparently that was the only movie that was not fully booked. -.-

The movie is more or less, a thriller la. Typical Hollywood thriller/horror concept of their movie?Revolves and play around much with the mirrors, cupboard, hiding under the bed, bathroom, and shocking moments of appearance. And what i myself found the most impractical thing about the movie was the killer was able to move around himself and sometimes, with the dead victim with him so silently. Silent footsteps. -.-

The movie was rated as viewers choice award. STOPPIT SAK! It is so undeserving la. Your another typical high school/teenage movie, something similar between Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, except in this movie, the killer like so damn confident walking round without the mask. ANOTHER WATEVER SAK! Utterly nonsensical story plot. Therefore, i believe the movie should be renamed...

Yes. Prom Shit.

When Angels and Serpents Dance

.WTH

2008-07-22T12:57:00.003+08:00

How does these 2 pictures below resembles me as quoted from Ally? -.- Hahaha

'

ALLY!

Today is the most boring day in class. Fuck la

Heart shape box

.Argh

2008-07-21T08:54:00.001+08:00

FUCK. MY BACKACHE IS LIKE KILLING ME LA.

Fuck this fucking backache la fuck

.Is it?

2008-07-20T15:29:00.004+08:00

I think i have been exhausting myself for the past few days, reaching at the doorstep of my house at almost 5am daily Only to wake up in the next afternoon. And i guess i have been having a very bad back-ache which comes and goes from the aftermath of too much sleeping.Yah i know, how wierd to get backache from too much sleeping, but that's just how i am.Fuck. I think i'm like getting old la.

Caught 'Handcock' last night with my fellow 'bandmates'. Hahaha. Great movie. Oh ya. My friend is a loser who caught it for the 3rd time already man. Hahahaha.

Anyways, i don't know but i have been urging to get across to much people in what i have been trying to say or convey to them.

It seems that people view me as an emo-kid -.- which i do not know why, just because of the way i dress and how my hairstyle is being done. Whenever i am quiet, people always ask me what's wrong. "Don't slit your wrists la"... Hahaha. Appreciate your concern though but hold on to your horses man! Relax! =)

Doesn't mean if i am quiet means i am having a problem. Maybe i just need a piece of time-out for myself or just really having a problem.

And the wierd thing is if it is a problem, it could nothing else but be the never ending story of my relationship. I guess i am the type of person whom doesn't seem to be able to let go of relationships.

For a person whom you know for so long, you would like basically know each other inside out and we feel so attached from the experiences that we have been through together. Sometimes when you think about it, you feel that she is the one for you. But whenever a problem crops up, it seems like a whole fucked up relationship where fingers are pointed out at one another. Blasting at each other through phones, at each other's faces and even to our own friends.

But no matter what, i always try to make a relationship work. Its the sacrifice you make for one another. One has to eventually compromise to make a relationship work as it is all about give and take or otherwise, it will just be another typical 'teenage drama in a relationship'.

Everything is average nowadays

.OMG

2008-07-17T14:35:00.003+08:00

Public Humiliation in class today! Hahahahahahahahaha

Thanks ah for starring me in your presentation. Lol

Psychosocial

.Dummies Guide to Taking Care of Babies. Do the Yes Not the Don'ts

2008-07-15T09:06:00.005+08:00

HAHAHAHA. I laughed my ass off readin this emailed that Ms. Shazy sent to me. Heh

Till i'm done with my FYP,this is all just so fucked up

.Speechless

2008-07-07T08:38:00.004+08:00

It was just a few days ago when all of us met, i think one of the best days of our lives during the meet up. Had a blast indeed.

But a simple call at late night, a girl crying over the phone asking me what she and all of us should do with the unexpected incident occuring. I feel so helpless, just listening to her sobbing as hard as she ever could,wondering what is going to happen to her boyfriend and to my 'brother' if things were to get complicated. I wish i could do something to help him but to no avail.

I guess all lives are fated to where they are going to be at and where they should go.

Please lead my bro to the right path of life

.Each

2008-07-03T15:12:00.003+08:00

Each time i see her, when we talk, when our surroundings are just completely in silence, i feel that the world is just made up of she and I. I just have so many things i wish i could say to her but I can't bring myself to say anything more to her.

I just wish

.This is just really not a good month

2008-06-30T20:10:00.002+08:00

This month is the worst month ever la fuck. Seriously. Shall not describe what has happened but to those who know it, preferably keep it to yourself. =)

Anyways, i think i have like spent so much money this month. Seriously alot, that my account has seen so much deductions. And please people, i am not a FUCKING bank man. It is really getting on my nerves whenever people say i am a richie rich boy. Its called saving damn it.

Pardon me for being rude, but yeah, i have made my stand clear.

Everythings gonna be fine, some other day

.YRSC 08

2008-06-28T12:28:00.002+08:00

Hey you people out there reading my blog!

Come down to Toa Payoh Sports Hall tomorrow, 29th June, Sunday from 8.00am to 5.30pm to support my final year project on Yellow Ribbon Sports Carnival 2008

Many prizes one may stand to win, just be there aite!

Just praying the best for everything

.Work is so much more fun

2008-06-15T14:43:00.004+08:00

Shit.School is on again tomorrow.Fuck la.Anyways, have been working my ass off for the past 2 weeks and today is the only day that i have been able to stay home one full day (well..not exactly..still got 10 more hours before it is actually called a full day..aya..whatever la)

If not FYP, then work.Back and forth to these 2 things. My point is, this is what me and my colleagues have been doing each day at work during weekdays, when it is not busy. Heh

Description :Barney is evil whom eats up children.

Ok. Bye.

School still sucks though.

I'm done and over with

.Taking it higher

2008-05-25T20:46:00.002+08:00

We used to be close friends that i had never imagined. But for every damn reason you want us to be back together puts me in a spot. I am sinking into my greatest dilemma till date.

A start has an end, but till when?

.I'll keep your memory vague

2008-05-19T20:26:00.002+08:00

It seems that you say you are going to try, but just when?

I'll keep your memory vague

.Which path would you take on

2008-05-14T20:02:00.003+08:00

If you had a chance, to change something.

What would be that something? Are you a non-believer?

Cause i know i believe that the things we do, we hope to change them for the better if we are able to.

To change love. The love you had for someone. That special someone. But you are stuck in between. Being loved by someone else.

Because of this, friendships are broken apart. Best friends whom they once used to be, perishes right before you because of that guy.

But does it make a difference if you were given a chance to make it better? What if we were to turn back time and change the past.

But a change leads to another change, could be bad or be good.

We always want everything to be perfect, but all these come unplanned.

Which path would you take?

To love the person you love or be loved by someone?

Trying to be a non believer

.seriously

2008-04-28T11:14:00.002+08:00

I am like sitting here in class and doing my own things. Even have the time to do my FYP. The faci is like talking non stop to herself. I put my head up, and see the rest of the class doing their own things. Blogging (like me right now. hah!) reading people's blog, playing miniclips.com, stoning. online shopping. -.- and i wonder who the hell is the faci talking to in the class when everyone's doing. I guess they just wanna get their day and over with (like we all do) and get their monthly pay check.

Hmm. What's new @ RP. Boring.

And the faci keep on saying the word, ' Feedback'.Shit. Janet Jackson song keeps on playing in my head la. " Feedback, feedback.Ohhh.' HAHAHAHAHA.
okay.lame.random

La La La Kerjalah

.thenoobcake.

2008-04-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

umm.... test test

please proceed to http://thenoobcake.livejournal.com/#top and figure out whose blog is this!

HAHAHAHA

.Fuck

2008-04-06T21:06:00.001+08:00

Fuck! I'm so not looking foward to school. FUCK

We are the people, we are the nation

.Truths and Lies

2008-03-23T12:20:00.001+08:00

The scandalous truths of a 20 year old bachelor and a 32 year old divorcee.

Love hurts

.Hiatus

2008-02-14T20:46:00.002+08:00

She is one fucking unappreciative bitch

Ok. That's all.

This blog will go on hiatus till further notice as i am currently away at work working my ass off. So, please do wait patiently as this blog will grow lotsa dusts and etc. on the blog itself.

Thank you for your cooperation.

.If i could

2008-01-27T21:31:00.000+08:00

When is this world political shit gonna stop and change what they have been trying to promise.

Stop terrorism.
Be more eco-friendly to prevent anymore ozone layer getting thinner so we won't die.
And blah-blah-blah

It is true that we have to compromise to decide to go foward with the growth of our ever changing society/nation or choose to go green.

But i think that this world has taken everything for granted that they didnt realise that the consequences are getting much more serious.

Music has always been trying to play apart to be the 'mediator' in spreading the love of the message.

I was watching Fall Out Boy's new video clip, I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me + You), and it was about child abduction in Uganda.

Did you know ' Over the last 20 years, as many as 38 000 children have been abducted and forced to fight as child soldiers in the war in Northern Uganda. Thousands have yet to return home'.

Can you imagine if it were you?

I feel inspired about almost the slightest thing. As long as i see the effort and passion of that person in doing his/her work, i get inspired as well.

Sometimes i wish i could contribute something to this 'crazy' society but just do not know where to start. If i could, i would wanna change the world for the better

My horoscope really lives up to its name with this 'speech' =D

Waiting for the world to change

.Defying what was once

2008-01-18T18:44:00.000+08:00

Frenzying over the latest technology? Well, think again.

I was reading up the articles in the newspaper over the past few days, and it seems that Apple has comed up with yet another new inventions of their. ZzZzZzZ (Whats new)

The world's thinnest laptop.

Ok. Cool shit. But so what?! It cant even meet the basic functions of having a laptop, that is the disc tray (you know where you put your disc thingy). You mean you have to transfer through a measly one miserable USB each time you want to install something. What the hell. I don't know what or why i'm so pissed about but it seems that the world has revolved so much that i guess, it is too fast for me to catch up with. But all i sure know that almost every electronic items,be it your gaming consoles, handphones and in this case, a laptop, has now defied the purpose of what a laptop once it used to be. Slimmest? Whatever if you cant even have the basic functions.

Life is beautiful

2008

2008-01-15T09:12:00.001+08:00

Woots..

Its coming to the middle of the 1st month of the brand new year but what i feel that can't be helped would be that sadly, still living in the past.

Ups and downs of 2007 and things that i feel is very annoyed.

Overrated things in 2007
1) My Chemical Romance - Too commercialised in the music scene that sees so many duplicates around in the street with that emo hairstyle and red tie -.- .

2) Ipod - What was said to be the 'must-have' mp3 player for all people. What nonsense.

3) Crumpler - Kids carrying around these bags. At the expense of their parents money. My my.

4) Topman/Topshop - Everyone also must have at least 1 item from this retail. tsk.

If you want something, go for it. But go at your own expense and work for it. Don't always go to your mum or dad for money cause we have to learn to stand on our own feet and find your own money!

.random

2007-12-14T13:14:00.001+08:00

Ok. I'm bored in class right now and i have literally like nothing to do cause what's instore for 3rd meeting? Just read the 6P and its Q&A time. -.- How boring can it get?Ok, i have uploaded some random photos i cam across m friends friendster profile. Just wana share with you all. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Look closely at the brand. HAHA

Someone so familiar but i don't know who. heh

How far we've come

.fate

2007-12-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

4 more days.

The truth will come to light.

My future and fate will all depend on the kit.

Just float away

.cold

2007-12-11T10:05:00.000+08:00

What I really meant to say is i’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold

I’m sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light, you could see me stand on my own again

I never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that I keep inside of me
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
There are just so many things you should have known but I guess now, for me there’s just no hope

I'm sorry for who i am

.sorry

2007-12-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

Problems

Problems to me, i feel is a disease, an illness

An illness that can never be cured until you take your medications. Take your medications in order in order not to slowly kill a person.

You have to rectify the problems and try to solve it before it becomes a major one

One can never run away from problems because this is all part and parcel of life.

There are other people out there who have one of their family member died and cant pay the house bills cause that person is the sole bread winner of the family

There are people out there who just come to know that she has 6 months to live cause she just found out she has cancer

There are people out there who cant pay their education because his family is too poor to afford the education.

And where do i stand from here?

Nowhere.

I have taken my problems too far that i have not given it much thought.
It all just came to down to a rash decision.

I just wanna say sorry to the many people around me, be it if you still bear grudges against me.

I'm sorry for not being able to return my any of the calls or messages
I'm sorry to have caused much worry to the people around me
I'm sorry to have caused much angst to the people around me
I'm sorry to have annoyed many people around me
I'm sorry to be a pain in the ass to the people around me
I'm sorry for being self-centred to the people around me
I'm sorry for being such a troublemaker to the people around me
I'm sorry for being such an asshole to the people around me
I'm sorry for being such an unwilled person to the people around me
I'm sorry that i never realised that i have many people who showed care and concern for me
I'm sorry that i never realised that this was all a mistake

We speak in different 'voices'

.Quit

2007-12-07T15:52:00.000+08:00

3 weeks.

That was all and how long she stops and now starts to create another problem. What i thought just a small minimal problem has now blown out of proportion.

I have no longer motivation to study.Drinking down my thoughts does me no good. I am literally dragging myself to school, thinking of her everyday.

A new start? Both have been trying.

When something stupid comes up, im the one who has to give in. Thats' what guys do?

FUCK IT. Why must it always be the guy? FUCK all about the gentlemen philosophy. Don't just fucking point at the guy and accuse it's always their fault.

Im just tired of all this gf-bf shit. I can't continue anymore.

She brings me down so hard. Ridiculous that because of her, i wanna quit school?

No. It's not ridiculous. Its a fucking fact.

The real story will never be revealed on why till something like this could actually and eventually happen.

Im emo-ing in my post right now? FUCK it if you all think so. Cause i don't give a fucking shit of what you all think.Blogs are meant to express my scarred and screwed up life.

I just don't wanna and feel like studying anymore. I shouldn't have came to poly in the first place because what a beautiful start it may seems, is now crumbling before me.

I start my life once again, and this is how it ends.

.River in the road

2007-12-06T21:09:00.002+08:00

Woots. Its Thursday yet again, and here to blog. Just thought of some random thought of what i am thinking right now.

1. Identity. Some people are just so damn fake in front of people. I hate these kind of people cause they are what you might call a 'snake'. In a sense, a sneaky bastard. You never know what he/she is about to do next. While others being fake, some have no identity at all. Like, people start something, and they follow. WHAT A FUCKING GROUPIE. Come on la. Get a life. Don't you like have anyone else to copy. damn.

2.I want to go clubbing and sheesha again with the class. HAHAKZKZZZZ. *hehehehehe*

3. Can't be bothered to deal with stupid ridiculous problems. The world does not revolve around one person.

4. Learned some nooby-stooby mind games today at MacDonald after PP.funny shit. shall attack some people in the class tomorrow. heh.

5. I FINALLY FUCKING CAN GET RID OF THE BURDEN OF MY PROFESSIONAL PROFILING. like finally dammit! Its about time. Will always remember the day i presented alone like just now. SWEATED LIKE A PIG cause i have like damn alot to say. And when i finished my presentation, i nearly died of thirst, literally. =D . But in the end, got through the tension moment. REMEMBER! MAINTAIN YOUR COMPOSURE FOR THOSE WHO HASN'T PRESENTED.heh

ok. creek creek. hehekzxxx. HAHA. ok. thats about it. i want to go out already. Naz signing off !

Better living through chemistry

.Fuck you

2007-11-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

Disappointed
Disgraced
Disgusted

Can i say more of what has been happening over these 2 days?

Because of this fucked up incident, i have been missing on what has been going on in class during the meetings.

I really like this class very much but least did i expected that there is someone so dishonest to take away my friends phone and my wallet.

Have i like fucking offended you in some way that you need to steal people's stuff?

Ok. Even if i have offended you, i apologize you a million, but need not take my friends phone. Just take my damn wallet, dammit. You have caused all these unwanted problems in my life that i wished i do not need encounter. There are like so many damn procedures to go through. Why go through to stoop to such level that you take people’s personal belonging?

How would you fucking feel if someone just take your fucking belonging and spend on it?

Pissed yea?

Ya. That’s what i thought so too. Unless you are like so damn stupid to like say,
'Oh fine, just take whatever i have'

FUCK YOU DAMMIT.

Don't you like fucking have any fucking guilt to steal something away precious from your classmate?

The discipline master have tried to help you but no choice, the police have to come in since i lost my IC, thank you very much and the whole story will be uncovered to the police

Help me to help you? No. There ain't such thing as help in your dictionary.

It's not my fucking problem now anyways because what i know is that you are going to be expelled and go to jail for your doings. I don't fucking care if you fucking hate me, but to that person who stole Sham's hp and my wallet, please watch out. Don’t see me in class like happy happy, but I tell you, that is just the social side of me.

YOU DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE DEALING WITH.
YOU DO NOT FUCKING KNOW MY BACKGROUND.
AND YOU CERTAINLY DO NOT KNOW WHO MY OUTSIDE FRIENDS ARE.

.word up

2007-11-22T19:54:00.000+08:00

Words

We sometimes speak with much ambigiuty

What we say ends up the opposite, sending the wrong message to the other party
Or we do not realise what we have just said actually has hurt someone's feelings

"Why you so stupid?"
"Don't be dumb la!"

Jokingly said, ok. Sure enough, one would accept the fact that they are just joking.
But when a person really does not what is that particular thing or just do not know what is going on, and with the above statements being mentioned time and time again to that person, i really feel like fucking punch that person in the face.

Personally i feel, it is very rude. Are we like that so much more cleverer than the other person?
There are things we know and things which we don't know. Vice versa for every human being we know.

I myself always try not to say stupid or dumb directly in my friends face.

Everyone has their feelings and we need to consider cause it may end up causing unhappiness within the person.

A question bourne out of sincerity, to be taken as a fucked up joke. What is wrong with people nowadays?

We just plainly do not know what to say or better still, when to say certain words at a certain period of time.

Mind your words, watch your mouth

Respect your friends while they are still around

I have been through the phase of losing many friends, believe me.You will only start to cherish your friends when one has passed on.

Karma will come around.

Gifts and curses

.Promises

2007-11-15T14:25:00.000+08:00

Promises.

It is the last word that i would want to hear coming out from a persons mouth.
First they said they are not going to repeat the same mistakes, but in the end, it was just another false statement.

This is more like over-promises to me. You shouldn't get the hopes of a person so high, and then just let them crash, burn and die with your oh-so 'sorry, i can't make it' statements.

But it just seems that i myself sometimes, make these statements,in order to avoid certain things.

I feel that one should try to accommodate to all needs in order to avoid dissappointment of one.
But im just too tired.

I am just so fucking tired of trying to be the one, who is always there for the people i love and care.

Everybody is taking me for granted, that hey, nobody ever thought of how i felt when i try to ask them what happened and they begin to start to make false accussations and ridiculous comments. There is always a limit to what one does and sometimes, i just wanna let go and wished that i was hit by a car and die or something.

We all have a life to move on and i could see that everyone is doing that also.

If you take me for granted and always think you are right and being over-sensitive at each and every fucking incident , so be it. but i just wanna tell you that i don't fucking need a fucking person whom i love to be in my life.

I will no longer compromise

.knights of cydonia

2007-11-08T13:40:00.000+08:00

I am fucking bored at home right now.

Okay. Just wanna post up 2 pictures on why i feel i will not be eating Sakae Sushi at any time of the month now

Woah. Great job for first half an hour guys! 14 plates cleared and counting.

The aftermath for waiting for so long for the 'ordered' food to come with bad service provided?

Well, if you know Sakae Sushi well with its terms and conditions, you should know why we did as what we did in the picture below.

Look closely in the 'RIVER ISLAND' (HAHAHAHA) plastic bag and you will find a whole load of rice inside ya'll! COOL SHIT TO FULLY UTILISE AND FULFILL THEIR POLICY.

HAHA.

What your mind consumes, you should make a stand

.you're a god

2007-11-05T15:03:00.000+08:00

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen...

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer.

'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
'You know what? Barbers do not exist.' 'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'
'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

What do you think?

Letters to God

505

2007-11-04T21:08:00.000+08:00

Bring me back to memory lane please before my birthday because i want to undo all the sins that i have created.

All the scars that has been left behind

All the pain they have been through.

I sense blood coming my way

.Zzyxz Rd.

2007-11-01T22:23:00.000+08:00

As i sit at the void deck of my block, smoking and taking a piece of my mind before i head home,i saw somethings what i wish i didnt saw.

I have told this story to some of my friends before but i just cant help it.

Smoking. Yea. A real good thing for me? Release my stress. One way to kill time (and slowly killing me -.-).

Sit on the benches, Hearing crickets cricketting, gazing up into the sky. And i turned my head around, just to see something that caught my attention, and gave me something to think about and reflect upon myself.

Saw this kid, around 11-13 years of age,riding on a bicycle, chatting with his friend. And then, i saw him taking a puff of cigarette.

A kid like him fancy taking a puff of cigarette?!

It just reminded me of myself.

I started smoking when i was in sec 1 and it took me a back to see 'myself' in him on how people have the percepetions of kids nowadays, on ultimately, on the boy himself.

Now i know how it feels how people look at me and like now, how i look at them.

Man, reality is getting darker each day.

Potrait of a summer thief

.embrace

2007-10-29T21:46:00.000+08:00

I had the wierdest dream a few nights ago. I feel that it is the worst dream since i last watched some horror movie when i was a kid.

So, wierdest to worst.

But still,the dream is so clear. So clear and defined. So clear, defined and impactful. It felt as if it was just yesterday that the dream happened.

What happened in the dream?

She appeared in my dream. She, my ex-gf. I felt like i was being pulled away from something. And she was pulling me back. She was screaming helplessy to me.

"Don't leave me. Don't leave me"

She kept repeating and repeating and repeating

The situation felt so real.I was feeling the tension of the moment during that period of time. I was sub-consciously still awake and i could really feel someone pulling me.

And the wierd thing is?I woke up next morning, and i found red marks on my hand. The aftermath of red markings that resembles someone's hand pulling me so hard.

I do not know how all this happened but what is the meaning of all these? Is this some kind of sign? What is god trying to tell me? Is she really leaving me? Or just leaving?

I know i still love her.But i just can't see to myself or her get hurt once again.We have known each other for about almost 2 and 1/2 years. On and off. I cant seem to tell her how i feel again.

My birthday's next week. I'm looking foward.Not looking foward. I just want you for my birthday. It would make the perfect 19 years of life for me.

Beers for my real friends, real pain for my fake friends

.the sharpest lives

2007-10-24T20:14:00.000+08:00

It's been a year since i have started blogging.A year after i have started in this school.Everything seems to be whizzing past me so fast.Can't imagine what's instore for my life next.As i look back at my older posts,i took the chance to do some reflection upon myself.And have i changed that lot.

It seems that life wasn't always right for me.What i wish for the good,turned out otherwise for the others.We should be happy for the others in whatever they do,and not frown when they are not there for them.The support we give them,will be blessed back by in whatever we do.Be it family,friends,girlfriends,acquaintance.A little concern shown will eventually be noticed by anyone in your surroundings.Life is'nt perfect for everyone.Definetly not mine.Is yours?

Be it not a perfect life,for me,I'm gradually regaining back my happiness back knowing that i have friends who showed real care and concern for me.I feel the warmth and gratitude that i get from my friends.Thanks. =)

Walking after you

.a modern myth

2007-10-23T19:51:00.000+08:00

Karma

That was how i felt today.I should disturb people less,and make more logical statements. -.-
No one ever takes me seriously anymore.Everything i do is a joke to everyone.How am i supposed to move on?

Faith won't compromise

.over

2007-10-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

Betrayed.

That was how i feel and have been thinking after our breakup

It seems all so stupid that i left my family for you.I was there for you to take car of you in the hospital. But hey,guess what?

I feel like the most stupidest guy to do ever such a thing and that is to be with you.And to think that i should get back together with you just because i was with you.You took that damn long to realise my affections for you.I took the liberty to get my priorities right and taking advices from friends.And yea.I was just plain stupid.dumb.moron.foolish.brainless.obtuse.can i say more?For someone whom she thinks she loves believes another person whom is trying to break up her relationship with me?I cant accept a person whom i love have not trust and faith in me that i put in as well for the other person.

I really guess this is where it may really ends.

Leave me now, think its a better thing to do

.disenchanted

2007-10-15T19:03:00.000+08:00

This must be the worst hari raya of my life.

I did not spend any hari raya with my family at all this year when i should be. If you were to put it any statement, i guess i may have ran away from home yet again to be with her who has been hospitalised, just right after i had posted the previous post. Should i be happy that i am spending time with her,just after our breakup to see her through her unforseen last minute operation or should i rather be happy that i should spend it with my family?

I cant decide which is more important.

The last thing i would see will be...

.cast no shadow

2007-10-12T21:53:00.000+08:00

'Good things you have done will never be lost, your kind act takes root and every bit of love you show will come right back to you for God knows you have a good heart'

This was the first few words where our relationship started.

But to what extent has it now lasts to? Texting me 3.02 am in the morning, on the eve of Hari Raya.

' I think we have to cool off for a while and get our minds cleared before we ever get back on track'

I have not slept since and you have been on my mind since. Coming to school on such a low note on the eve of the most exciting day of the year on the Islam's calender. I almost broke down.Breaking into what i almost couldn't imagine what i could be.

And there,my friends and classmates looked at me,Me who seems so ever distraught and 'emo'.The care and concern that they gave me,i thank you all for your support.

It seems so much of a contradiction to what you pretty much said to me. Read between the lines and i could tell so much of your feelings towards me. Trust in what has said to be the most important thing to have a successful relationship didnt seem to be present in our relationship.Instead,you have trusted that bastard Sazali whom is out to see our relationship fall apart.Why must you do this to me at this point of time?I thought my life was beginning to pick up from the recent misadventures of life.Tomorrow is the festive day.What i had thought to that perhaps i may enjoy tomorrow seems to dissipate into thin air.Thin air that i am not able to breathe.You were my oxygen,my life,my everything.

An bigger asshole Sazali is.He better not look back on what he did because he knows that my friends are already going to look up for him. You got the wrong guy to mess with man.Prepare yourself by packing up man cause you know you will eventually end up in the hospital you son of a bitch. Don't you dare look back.Don't you dare.

But having said all these,am i man enought to put the blame on Sazali?I was not there when she failed her exams.Who was there when she needed someone?Sazali was. Who was there when her she fought with her mum? Sazali was. Who was there when i fought with her? Yet again, Sazali was. Where was I? Too busy out pubbing and partying?Thinking that getting drunk almost every week was cool.COOL MY ASS.I find it all bullshit now upon reflecting.It seems all clear to me that i am not man enough to put the blame everything on Sazali.

I should reflect upon myself on what i should have and have not done.Maybe i am not the kind of guy whom i used to be.I'm still picking up the pieces of my broken life.There are just so many confessions which i wish i could say but no.Let my life try to continue its path.Maybe God has its reasons on why he gave me the second chance to live again .This is reality.

Watching it all fall apart.

.damn you la

2007-10-07T17:40:00.000+08:00

wahhhhh fuckkk.

seriously man.i hate sales management module.the damn blardy botak richard thai faci.he think he like so many bad grades to spare people.cibai sia!!!!!

and also too the many people who view my blog.i want to make it clear that my blog is NOT very emo -.- no one can understand the life i've been through except for my very close friends.what you see of me is just only 10% of my life.i am more troubled and always feeling unsecured to the many things that is around me.

Always All Ways (Apologies Glances and Messed Up Chances)

.rock on

2007-10-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

Enjoy my days as much and while i can

We do everything once in our lives

Partying and 'pubbing' non-stop for the past few days has made me realised that there are so much more things in stored for our lives.

As i sit here again at the Balcony Bar (i feel so cheated la,went yesterday and today got promotion offer.CB!) with my friends and her =) i feel that i could let go of myself and release all the tension that i have been having with them. It really sucks to know when one of your friends tries to steal your girlfriend time and time again.Lessons that are to be learnt are never repented as the way it was supposed to be.Well,what can i say.Friends come and go.And some,you just know when is the right time to let go.

You were my best friend but now you have gone away.Too many conflicts has been resolved.Too many fights has been fought.Too many fond memories has last.All the truth has been revealed.You are no longer blacklisted by the police.It gives every reason to smile on me,on them and of course,on you.

Wherever you are,be my guardian.Take care bro.I'll never forget you.

Muhammad Khairulnizam Bin Abdul Rashid - 1985 - 2007.
Compassions in my nature,tonight is our last stand

.love

2007-10-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

Be with me always till i part from this world.

Everything she does inspires, no regrets

2007-09-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

haiz.feel so demoralised from the daily direct insult each day.

But nothing seemed to change

you got the nerve

2007-09-20T13:36:00.001+08:00

i really don't understand why i am always filled with problems.

i don't want to be part of your fucked up problem.call me whatever you want but i know my limitations

take a hike man.

to hell you ride

yawn

2007-09-13T20:12:00.001+08:00

wtf

school holiday like got no school holiday liddat.

ka na sai.

monday start school already, although im kinda looking foward to it.

luckily got some people i know in the class.like the oh-so famous mucus queen jesslyn.the oh-so famous porn queen ming xian.haiz.before i know it.everything just ends in a single snap of finger.

You just sit there wishing you could still make love

fuck off

2007-08-22T20:09:00.000+08:00

i tell you what Linda.

you have got to be fucking kidding me in saying and even have the nerve to complain that i'm not spending enough time with you?!

I TELL YOU

FUCK OFF

whose the fucking busy one being at school and 'involve with some lame school activites'
whose the fucking busy one when you are out working
AND WHOSE THE FUCKING BUSY ONE WHO SAYS THAT YOU FUCKING NEED YOUR FUCKING SLEEP EVEN IF YOU HAVE NO WORK OR SCHOOL OR PLANS THE NEXT DAY ?!?

TELL ME!

i know you are reading this fucking blog.

DONT EVEN BOTHER CALLING ME
DONT EVEN BOTHER COMING OVER TO MY PLACE
DONT EVEN FUCKING BOTHER ASKING MY FRIENDS
AND LAST OF ALL

DONT FUCKING FIND ME AT MY WORKPLACE OR MY USUAL HANGOUTS CAUSE IM FUCKING THROUGH WITH YOU

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE !

To every broken heart in here ,love was once a part, but now it's disappeared

HAHA

2007-08-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

A cool comic strip by Ming Xian
Story Plot by Ming Xian, Chick and me!
Idea Generated by Xiong Hai.(haha)

Rated : *XXXX *
by Super Ming Xian Porn Magazines!

'A must read comic strip! Oh ya. I love porn still'
by founder of Super Ming Xian Porn Magazines, Ming Xian

p.s. Please do not save this picture into your computer as it may contain harmful viruses as this is from a porn folder.

Xin Kia is a Loser

2007-08-20T11:16:00.000+08:00

a funny post abstracted from xinkia's blog.wuahahahaha

chick: auntie, you wanna get a steamer? i saw J steam clothes at Actually, its easier than ironing…
and a question borne out of sincere concern soon became something like this…

my guardian: your dad gives you so much cash every month, why you still ask me to buy? everything you want we get for you, where is all your money? why are you so calculative and ask me to pay for a steamer?

chick: i’m just asking if you want to get one, because i feel like getting one for jiejie. and if you don’t want, i will just get only one.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
so xinkia,did you get your steamer?!
HAHA